Smile Smile.

xiii. 21.

I want to go to Burning Man someday... will you come with me?

I am constituted by a social world I never chose. I'm just a passenger. I'm lost without you.

No Purpose I’m Sure.

I’m sure we all wonder what our purpose on this planet is. 
I’m sure we want to know why we are all here.
I’m sure you want to know why you as an individual are here right now.
I’m sure you wonder how you beat all the odds and emerged from the womb.
I’m sure you think about how you got so far and are lucky enough to still be standing. 

I’m sure we’ve all had those moments and experiences in which we felt limitless and untouchable. A place in time that stands still, frozen in your mind forever, like a beautifully painted portrait on a cotton canvas.
I’m sure you, like me long to go back to that moment, and stay there forever.
Re-live it. Over and over and over and over.
I am sure that’s what I want. 
And I long for it. So badly. So damn badly. 
It’s almost sad.
It’s actually quite sad how often I think about it.
Sure the thought can be put away. 
And sure the image can be buried under new ones to replicate and simulate what you used to hold and grasp.
But you know.
You really do know, that it is not the same, and you would kill, and do almost, and perhaps literally anything to have it back. 
But you do know.
You really do know, that it is not coming back.
It won’t come back.
Your dreams and thoughts will haunt you, and proceed to taunt you, in the most cruel and tortuous of ways.

I’m sure I once knew why I was put here.
I’m sure I knew at what point I was truly happy, and that nothing else mattered because I had reached a state of tranquility, where there was no need for anything else. 

And everything else would come second, and that was completely fine.

I was knew this.
Now it is fleeting state and fainting memory. 

Seal the deal and I’ll know my place.
It sure won’t be here. 
I’m sure. 


yo fuck everything about today.